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Ask Amy: My neighbor hung a flag I find offensive near my property

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dear amy: We have lived next door to very good neighbors for nearly 30 years. “Charles” is kind and friendly and we really like him.

His political views are 180 degrees different from ours.

There are so many other things to discuss (gardening, family, etc.) and we’ve kept our opinions to ourselves, so it hasn’t been an issue so far.

The problem is he has a big flag up a few feet from our backyard fence (replaced the worn original with a new, bolder model). This flag contains a message that represents an ideal we despise.

It’s not profanity, it’s divisive with a hurtful connotation. I don’t think it was a deliberate attack on us.

Whenever you’re in the garden, you can’t avoid seeing and hearing it flutter in the wind. Extends about 10 feet off the ground so you can’t block your view. (Other neighbors cannot see it.)

Visitors to our home have commented, “What do you think of that flag?” “I could remove it for you, haha” etc.

My husband and I do not want to lose Charles’ friendship and ruin years of good relations. I will give it to you.

I found myself avoiding my yard (and feeling bad for my neighbors).

torn: You haven’t provided any details about this flag, nor have you said what your personal politics are.

(While this flag does not contain words or symbols that may incite violence, we proceed on the premise that it represents something directly opposed to your own ideas and values.)

Nor did he seem to have asked his neighbor if he could move the flag to a different part of the yard.

We live in a country where everyone is free and free to do as they please, where people like you and your neighbors can live side by side in heartfelt peace. I’m in. do.

Your options are to fly your own flag or banner, express your own views directly or indirectly through numerous media, or exercise your own freedom to keep your own thoughts to yourself. is to exercise

I don’t know how you feel, but if you could reframe this, it might feel different. It is a challenge to allow freedom.

So when a friend asks you what you think about your neighbor’s flag, you can say: So — God bless America!”

dear amy: Recently, my husband and I had infidelity issues (on my part). We are working on our marriage and things seem to be going much better.

When it first happened, he was pretty upset with his friends and had most of them block me.

His best friend doesn’t talk to me much anymore, but I tell him that I love him and his girlfriend, that I don’t want to lose them, and that I hope they don’t hate me. I informed

He replied that he was not going to make any judgments until he gave my husband time to see how he was feeling.

When it comes time for me to meet them (they all live out of state), do you have any advice for not making me feel uncomfortable, awkward, or intimidated?

I’m afraid they hate me and keep glaring at me with hate.

tension: The husband’s best friend treated me honestly and responsibly. You also handled that encounter well.

Apart from that, it is important for both you and your husband to communicate that you are mending your relationship.

dear amy: “was enoughA high school friend wrote to you about her daughter who rejected her and led her to finish school online.

This weakness is the problem of this country today.

you should have called her Instead, you spoiled her.

it was a pity: I don’t think it’s always helpful to “call out” a vulnerable person.

©2022 Amy Dickinson Distributed by Tribune Content Agency

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